Random Thoughts During Sox - Indians game

I am going to try this blogging thing, beginning with my random thoughts while watching the second game of the Red Sox – Indians ALCS. Which is American League Championship Series. Which is professional baseball. Get out from under your rock.

I can’t make up my mind about Curt Schilling. On the one hand, he has awesome post season stats. On the other, while I’ve never met the man, he’s widely regarded as a jerk. So, my opinion of the man is being influenced, if not determined, by what other people (whom I have also never met) have allegedly said in the press. When I think about it like that, Curt, you’re a hell of a player. That’s all I have.

This mouse pad on my Dell laptop is way too sensitive.

I cannot stand these baseball playoffs commercials with Dane Cook. I wish someone would spike him. And I’d like to volunteer for the job. And for those of you who know me, I am not a volunteer type, so that should tell you how I feel about Dane on TV, which is sad, because I really enjoyed about 44% of his Retaliation album.

I have been hearing about J.D. Drew, and all his talent, and his lack of heart, for years, and you know what? This guy never looks like he is having a good time. I’m willing to bet, somewhere out there, there is a father (who sucked at baseball) who pushed his kid like crazy to be good at baseball, and made his kid the most miserable millionaire not named Lindsey Lohan. And somewhere, there is therapist who could put his kids through college spending years and J.D.’s payments to ultimately get him where I just did. J.D. – this one’s on the house pal. Remember who loves ya.

Damn Dell mouse pad screws me again. I tell ya, if I had paid for this computer I would be pissed. Pissed.

Add Chevy to the list of companies with shitty commercials.

I heard once that Tiger Woods bench presses over 400 lbs. I told this to a co-worker, now in his early 50s, and he was incredulous, saying, “I used to really work out, and I never got much over 300 lbs.” to which I replied, “Well, I guess that settles it. You couldn’t bench 400 lbs., so I guess there’s no chance a world class athlete with a work ethic that puts in the 99^th percentile of human beings could.” What a dipshit.

I hate that Claritin-D is now behind the pharmacy counter. What a pain in the ass. The terrorists haven't won, but maybe the meth addicts have. This is bullshit.

I remember watching Coco Crisp play single-A ball locally and thinking, "This guy can't hit." And now he plays for the Boston Red Sox, and you know what? I still think this guy can't hit. You know why? Because he can't.

Kevin Youklis has the strangest grip on the bat I have ever seen. His top hand barely touches the handle. How this guy hits I have no idea. Of course, I have always been a lousy hitter, so we could say hitting in general is a mystery to me. Except where Coco Crisp is concerned. He flat out cannot hit. Believe me, I have been a non-hitter for twenty four years. I am an expert in non-hitting.

The Indians just walked in a run. I think I have seen that at least four times this post season. If that doesn't prove Major League Baseball has expanded beyond the number of major league level players available, I don't know what does. You take Colorado, Arizona, Florida and Tampa Bay (good as two of those teams are and Florida has been) out of the league and Coco Crisp is waiting tables somewhere. And the only winner in the current situation: the restaurant, because you look at Crisp and just know he would screw up your order. I asked for onion rings, not fries. How hard is that?

I should watch myself. I'll bet Coco Crisp could kick my ass.

Travis Hafner looks like he's either Vin Diesel's younger, dumber brother or escaped from a zoo. I guess he could be both. (This thought, which I had during the first inning, was what finally got me to start with the blog).

Hafner could definitely kick my ass. So could Vin Diesel. Even though he's like 5' 2". But it's a tall 5' 2".

I am so happy the Yankees got knocked out of the playoffs. Not because I don't like their players. I think every kid playing should aspire to be Derek Jeter, he's all heart, even though he is wildly overrated defensively, mostly because of the blown call where he allegedly threw Jeremy Giambi out (the replay shows Giambi was safe by more than a full second). I like Alex Rodriguez, although he could not be less suited to play for the Yankees than he is. Awesome player, simply awesome, certainly the best I have seen. But, like another Yankee, Roger Maris, he's boring, and Yankee fans do not suffer the boring. Borish, absolutely, but never boring. No, it's their fans. Not the local fans. The out of town fans, the ones near me, who never lived in New York, who've never been to New York. The posers who think claiming Yankee fan status says something about them. It does, it says you are a front runner, and, in 2007, a loser. Enjoy.

It is almost 10 PM, and my wife and I are about to go to bed, she to sleep, me to continue watching the game and continue Colbert's book, which is amusing but making no permanent impression on me. I will eventually drift off, and then be awaken numerous times by the baby crying, the sheets being fought over, and my inability to breathe since the meth addicts have driven my over the counter meds behind the counter. And, for the record, yes, it too much of a pain to go ask the pharmacist. And it is a waste of her time. And yes, every pharmacist in my area is a woman. So, single guys, consider pharmacy school. Looks like a target rich environment.

My wife just asked what I was doing and I told her I was working on the blog and see gave me the dirtiest look. This should be fun.